When I first read about this tragedy it grieved me. To think that such a promising young man could find no other recourse than to kill himself, not to mention the callus idiocy that prompted him to do it.
This is a list of events of the last days of Tyler Clementi collected from news reports.
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| Tyler Clementi's unpretentious Facebook picture |
1. At Ridgewood High School, N.J., Tyler Clementi (18), a quiet and closeted redhead and skilled violinist won a scholarship from the local symphony orchestra at his June graduation.
2. Dharun Ravi (18), of Plainsboro, and Molly Wei (18), of Princeton, were members of the same clique at West Windsor Plainsboro High School North, N.J. Friends described Dharun as one who enjoyed a good prank. All three students were three weeks into their freshman year.
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| Dharun Ravi |
3. Tyler and Dharun were placed as roommates at Rutgers University. Apparently Tyler wasn't happy with Dharun as a roommate and requested to have his room changed. He was denied.
4. On September 19, 2010 Tyler asked Dharun if he could have the room for some privacy. (For those who aren't familiar with this, it means that one is going to bring a date in for sex.)
5. Dharun agreed and without telling Tyler, planted his web cam to record Tyler and his companion having sex.
6. "Roommate asked for the room till midnight," Dharun wrote on Twitter that night. "I went into Molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay."
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| Molly W |
7. Dharun streamed the two guys having sex and posted it onto the world wide web.
8. Apparently Tyler asked Dharun for the room again because two days later in another Twitter post Dharun announced; "Yes, it's happening again," he wrote, inviting people to watch between 9:30 p.m. and midnight. Authorities said that the second streaming attempt failed.
9. It isn't clear how Tyler found out about it, but he did. Tyler was not loud and outspoken, he was reserved, quiet and to himself. One can only imagine what rage, grief humiliation and despair poor Tyler suffered but one thing is sure, he felt he could endure no more.
10. On the south walkway of the George Washington Bridge, Tyler walked from Fort Lee, N.J., to the tower on the New York side. There he left his wallet. Inside was his license, AAA card and his Rutgers ID. He jumped.
11. The only note he left was on-line. Just 72 hours after his most intimate private life was so grotesquely made a public spectacle, Tyler posted the following status on his Facebook page on September 22 at 8:42 PM: “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.”
12. Dharun and Molly were arrested while Tyler's family waited for his body to be found.
13. Authorities discovered the corpse of a white male floating in the Hudson River near the Columbia University boathouse, about 30 blocks north of the bridge on Wednesday, September 29, 2010. The corpse The was identified as Tyler's
14. Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei were each charged with two counts of invasion of privacy. Dharun, freed on $25,000 bail, faced two additional charges for his botched bid at beaming Tyler's love life on the Internet.
15. They each face up to five years in prison if convicted.
My opinion...
Dharun who even looks like that kind of clod who would callously impose on others and rudely dismiss any concerns brought up with an “Oh so what,” or “Well, it's to late to do anything about it now, what's done is done.” attitude saw Tyler as an easy target, one whom he could have fun at the expense of and not suffer any consequences. It would only be appropriate if Dharun suffered the same way. Put him in prison and stream him getting raped by the inmates. Broadcast THAT, not only on his Twitter account for his friends but for the world to see.
The rage & humiliation that went through Tyler must have been mind boggling. Only a realization of a complete lack of hope could compel a person to end his life... but a hope for what?
To walk with a level of dignity. To be respected. And lets not forget the one that all closeted young males want...That he would not be perceived as a joke for the rest of his life if everyone around him thought he was strait. This is an unspoken concern among so many closeted gay young men. It would be hard to say that no closeted gay male teen has stood in the presence of his peers while they mocked and ridiculed effeminate guys. Closeted young guys choose not to associate with feminine types and out homosexuals not because they're ashamed of being gay but because they don't want to be perceived as weak girly types. They simply don't want to be targets.
Effeminate males are constantly put down and laughed at on every level, legally, socially, even the media tends to promote the idea that gay males are ill adjusted & socially inferior "The wedding Crashers" & "The Pest" When young gay males see gay guys portrayed like this they shudder at the thought of coming out because they know that mainstream society including their friends & family accepts these concepts as absolute and the closeted guys option to stay closeted.
Lets face it, the mainstream media couldn't care less about masculine gay men unless they're being outed. Flamboyant gay males get much better ratings. Granted there are some shows that have incorporated gay strong masculine male figures but there aren't enough types. Would more who don't wear leather pants and blouses as in “American Wedding” help the situation? We already have sports figures like Ben Cohen and John Amaechi & financially successful VIP types like Malcolm Forbes. The fashion designers, hairdressers & drag queens command so much attention perpetuating these stereotypes.
Originally I wanted to explore the idea of a masculine-gay-male presence consistently in the face of mainstream society, more so in high schools for young gay guys to identify with so that suicides like Tyler Clementi's could be avoided. But haters don't need a reason to hate, they just do and the choice must come from within them.
Self acceptance must come from within but we're dealing with the very young who although want to be self accepting count acceptance from their peers more important.
What about Tyler not being accepted by or disappointing his family, this has done it for many gay young men as well. Every closeted young man can associate with Tyler genuinely loving his family and wanting to make them proud. But you have to wonder about his family. Was the word 'fagot' acceptable in his home. Is it acceptable now? Would Tyler have to watch his dad 'take it hard' if Tyler approached him one day & said “Dad, I'm gay.” Would his dad disown him or would he notice the courage that Tyler had to muster up to tell him that and give him a hug affirming his unconditional love for his son. Would his mom cry? Would they fool themselves into thinking that it's just a phase? This is an issue that requires courage for all closeted young men. As it turned out, before heading off to college, Tyler mustered up the courage & told his parents that he was gay. His father accepted him, his mother on the other hand said that she needed some time to process it.
If there are any parents out there reading this (especially fathers), you could quite literally save your son's life if you tell him that you would love him even if he were gay. Whether you think he's gay or not is irrelevant. Whether he denies it or not is irrelevant. Whether he plays football in high school or takes dance, let him know.
